The Jonesy Report

The Genius of Kilborn

2011-08-02T22:04:00.006-04:00

Ever since Saturday I've been juggling the thankless shifts serving domestic swill to inbred hicks with enjoying the glory of Craig Kilborn. Below is a video that encapsulates everything that makes Kilborn such a national treasure.

First, his guest: Dave Grohl. Now, for a long time I resisted Dave Grohl's alleged charms. He was part of one of the worst "bands" ever in Nirvana, a group that was completely unnecessary, and stole the early 90s spotlight from more talented bands such as Rush and the J. Geils Band.1 And the Foo Fighters are nothing special. But his yeoman like drumming on Them Crooked Vultures, along side the amazing JPJ, earns him my respect.

1. seriously, how did Roll the Bones not make it to #1 on the Billboard charts, while dreck like Nevermind did? The taste of the American record buying public saddens me.

Secondly, the questions here are amazing. The first one highlights the aristocratic nature of the American monarchy (I'm sorry, Presidency) that most late night journalists are too scared to acknowledge. The second celebrates one of the great proletarian cuisines of all time, Chinese food. The third? Well, no one's perfect. The fourth again goes into territory that others are too scared to venture towards. Sure, his replacement at The Daily Show, that imperialist lapdog John Stewart, may pop up in a movie like Half Baked. But then he puts on his monkey costume and dances for his corporate overlords at Viacom. Kilborn has the guts to actually discuss marijuana like an adult, not some giggling school girl.2

2.However, his conclusion to this dialectic is wrong, the actual answer is Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite.

This final question is a devastating stabs at the Holy Idol of American Consumerism: fame. To make clear its emptiness, forcing the mewling children in the studio audience and the dimwitted fools at home to confront their deepest preconceptions and understand how their beliefs are flawed? And to do it on CBS? Kudos, sir, Marx himself would be impressed.

Thirdly, the very concept of Five Questions turn these conceptions on their heads, by having the powerful turn to the masses (the heroes in the studio audience) for answers? And some troglodytic corporate lackey at CBS had his head so far up Rupert Murdoch's ass that he couldn't see what was going on?!

Watch, enjoy, marvel, learn.

Sorry Guys

2011-08-02T21:54:00.001-04:00

I just today learned that the NBA (National Bourgeois Association) is locking out the hard working laborers of the league: the players. This is an outrage and it cannot stand.

In support of this fearless vanguard of the proletariat, I must shut down this blog in protest of the scurrilous actions of the owners. Sorry to get your hopes up, but I must once again run silent.

Until we meet again...

Album Review: The Who By Numbers

2011-07-30T20:19:00.001-04:00

2011 has been a magical year in many respects. We've seen Lebron James be exposed, the US political system is about to create a crisis that will finally shock the working class into movement against their profane masters, and my life long dream of seeing my beloved Boston Bruins capture Lord Stanley's Cup came true.

But nothing that happened this year has been more important than the development of Grantland. Finally, the vanguard of the intellectual class has congregated in one place to provide round the clock coverage of sports, music and entertainment. My fellow Bostonian Bill Simmons (perhaps spurred on by the greatness of the Bruins?) created this forum of ideas and has populated it with a Who's Whom of great writers. Chief amongst them is Chuck Klosterman. His minute by minute breakdown of Led Zeppelin's In the Evening has inspired me to begin doing track by track reviews of the great albums of rock.

We begin with The Who By Numbers. Following up greatness has always been a difficult task. From Lenin to Rodenberry, those who succeed greatly have trouble following it up with something as amazing (this may befall my beloved Bruins, who, following the greatest season in NHL history, will be hard pressed to win next year's Cup in such exciting fashion). In 1973 The Who released Quadrophenia, the greatest album ever. Would the follow up be another classic, or their version of Earth: Final Conflict?

The answer is that it was, like the Bruins, perfect.

Track 1 - Slipkid

The sound of clapping and a countdown begin The Who's post Quadrophenia efforts. When Pete Townshend's mighty guitar roars onto the scene it becomes clear what will happen with this album. Roger Daltrey's vocals are as to be expected, hitting every note with more passion than I feel for Ray Bourque. We see what The Who By Numbers will be about. Gone are the synthesisers and the massive layers of overdubs. In their places are descriptions of Townshend's alcoholism, lust, and self-loathing, as well as the dark side of creeping "middle age"^{[clarification needed]} and the fear of irrelevance.

No less powerful is the lyrical description of a young man forced into the life of a soldier. Obviously, this song was an examination of the Angolan Civil War, and the listener is taken into the shoes of a staunch anti-imperialist who is fighting for freedom. The guitar solo suggests that we may even be a Cuban national fighting for the international brotherhood. A truly bold choice, Mr. Townshend.

The song concludes with the lament "No easy way to be free." What true words! Freedom requires a great sacrifice, of blood, sweat, money and experimentation. These four minutes and thirty two seconds of greatness extol the virtues of international brotherhood of workers, the fight for freedom, and that special something that makes the world bearable.

Track Two - However Much I Booze

In a bold choice, The Who turn from the theme of the class struggle to expand on the "easy way to be free." Here, Messrs. Townshend and Daltrey (doing an amazing impression of Pete's vocal styles) sing about the false hope offered by alcohol. Now, I am certainly no Prohibition Patty, and have enjoyed a brew or two in my life. But when Roger Daltrey screams "There ain't no way out" it suggests that alcohol doesn't offer such a way out, but perhaps, something else does?

These two tracks serve to illuminate the real message of this album: that only through the class struggle and experimentation with the limits of the mind can we find "a way out" to "be free."

Track Three - Squeezebox

A jaunty little number full of sexual innuendo. But, only on the surface. This is one of the few mistakes on the album. Lyrically, the song works as what it is intended to be: a furtherance of the theme of the work needed to be done to improve our lives. Unfortunately, some weak musical choices turn it into much lighter fare, edible by even young children.

Thankfully, the song reaches its full potential in, of all things, a cover version by the normally ineffectual Poison. The problem with Poison, of course, being their inane lyrics. Every rose does indeed have its thorns, sir, but such trite and obvious observations are better left to American Idol contestants and the ladies from The View. This leads me to an interesting question: would Poison, solely playing the works of Pete Townshend, become the most revolutionary band ever? Judge for yourself (WARNING: Viewing this video may lead to you reexamine your preconceptions about the world):

Simply, amazing. The true spirit of this song is unleashed. Note, too, please, that this took place on the underrated Craig Kilborn's show, a man constantly hounded by the soulless minions of orthodoxy, first being replaced on ESPN for a gaggle of idiots, then on The Daily Show by that petty-bourgeois clown John Stewart, then finally by the reactionary Craig Ferguson. Perhaps we need Mr. Kilborn back on our TVs now, more than ever.

Track Four - Dreaming From the Waist

Another classic, another call to arms, another song that the braindead classes think is purely about sex. What is it about the louts, drunkards, jocks, thirstyboys, and ruffians that cause them to think only in terms of their member? Is it, perhaps, the lack of confidence they hold in it? Some sort of Oedipal obsession? Or is society at fault?

"Dreaming from the waist on down" refers to dreaming with the part of one's body that allows movement. What movement? Perhaps, the inevitable march towards a more equitable society. Or the movement towards enlightenment. Or even a jaunty walk down the street that allows the mind and soul to soar up above the trees and look down upon the world and to see it for what it truly is.

Sadly, this song is also very insensitive towards paraplegics.

Track Five - Imagine a Man

One of the more difficult songs to understand. Seemingly, this should be quite easy to play, but I'm not sure if that's an A minor or A major 7th in the fourth bar of the refrain. Also, moving from an open B to arpeggiated 1/8ths through the D scale? Not at all easy, I assure you. I think I may have this one done soon. Video will be posted, worry not.

Track Six - Success Story

Not bad.

Track Seven - They Are All in Love

Cute.

Track Eight - Blue Red and Grey

Ukulele intros = FUCK YEAH!

Track Nine - How Many Friends

"How many friends have I really got?" Clearly, this song was written by someone without a cat.

Track Ten - In a Hand or a Face

Eagles just signed Cullen Jenkins.

Final Grade: 9.5/10

The NFL is back, and so am I!

2011-07-30T14:40:00.005-04:00

Pretty pumped to have the NFL back. Hoping the Pats don't "stand pat" and mix some things up. The end of last season left a sour taste in my mouth, losing to that joke of a team from New Jersey and the fat coach and therapist quarterback. Sadly, the titans of industry that run the NFL know where their bread is buttered and that by putting the Jets into the AFC Championship Game, over the small market, upstart Patriots, they will see more dollars that they can use to fuel their conspiracies and engineer wars against the people of Libya. Following up on the heels of the 2010 screwjob against the Ravens, the 2008 season being destroyed by Robert Geathers fulfilling Paul Tagliabue's dying wish, and The Catch That Shall Not Be Named (which any clear thinking person can see was obviously an incomplete pass), the conspiracy against the Pats is more obvious than the CIA's use of Mark David Chapman to silence John Lennon. But I think if we can sign Robert Gallery that will turn it all around.

I know I haven't kept up with you all as much as I should, but it's been a long strange journey. I'll recap you all as to where I've been for the last three years, but suffice to say, it's been.... memorable? I've also been keeping a journal, from which I will, if whimsy leads me there, treat you all to some of my humble musings. It's good to be back.

And fuck www.jihadwatch.org

Fear Not, All Will Be Answered

2009-01-20T18:23:00.000-05:00

My abrupt reappearance has generated a surprising amount of emails. So, let me answer my “fan mail” here so everyone can be on the same page.

John from Pottsville says: Jonesy, when does the new album drop? Very excited for it!

John, the new album will be dropping soon, I promise. No release date yet set. There’s still some, shall we say, production issues? I need a regular Stakhanovite movement to get production to where it needs to be.

Zack from Alaska asks: Jonesy, what happened to you?! I was worried your voice was silenced. We need you comrade.

Zack, fear not, my voice has not yet been silenced. I realized that the odds of Bush peacefully turning over power to Obama were small, so I’ve been “woodshedding” in a small place in Nova Scotia (location as undisclosed as Cheney’s bunker), working on the new album and waiting out the storm. Thankfully, now that power has been peacefully transferred from one branch of the bourgeoisie to another, I can safely return. Is Barack Obama America’s Franz von Papen? Obviously. But I can ride that out, it’s worth it to be part of the struggle here in the belly of the beast. When I figure out who the new Kurt von Schleicher is, well, then I’ll think about returning abroad.

Steve from Exton asks: Jonesy, why don’t you like this Willie Bloomquist signing? Every team needs scrappy players. Also, dying for the new album to drop. Love you!

Steve, I think someone has dual man crushes, on me and Willie Bloomquist. We’re both David Ecksteinesque tough as nails underachievers who hustle. But I think even I could OPS more than Bloomquist. And my VORRM (Value Over Replacement Revolutionary Musician) is certainly higher than his.

Joe from Parts Unknown asks: Jonesy, any chance you’ll release some early cuts from the new album? Please?

Joe, sorry my friend, but no can do. At least… not yet. We’ll see what the future brings. And say hello to The Ultimate Warrior for me!

The Annals of Dumb Decisions

2009-01-20T16:00:00.002-05:00

What were the Royals thinking giving Willie Bloomquist such a large contract? Gadzooks!

More ignoble poppycock from our comrades at jihadwatch......

2008-05-05T05:57:00.005-04:00

Seriously, these guys just don't quit!!!!! Check this out...

Their comment: "It's the little pussies that talk crap like jonesy does. The cowardly punk doesn't have the guts to talk to anyone, face to face the way he does online...he'll call ya all kindsa names and hurl insults when there are no real consequences.
As was said...he's just here to bark at us and make noise, like some annoying dog on a chain that raises hell as you pass by. I think I mentioned the word Troll when this punk was present, and he immediately took my words to mean him/it. It knows what it is apparently.
I won't even attempt to converse with a hate filled, potty mouthed little punk like him. His opinion of us/me kinda precludes it...
Any further attempts by hateboy to portray himself as being a reasonable person interested in dialogue will fall on "deaf ears" around here I think. He's just here to be an ass...nothing more. I mean....could his opinion of us get any lower? Certainly my opinion of him couldn't."

My response: pussy, cowardly punk, annoying dog, Troll, It, potty mouthed, hateboy, ass. I love it. I believe this is a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this. The true definition of an "internet tough guy." Seriously dude, don't get hurt playing with guns in Mommy's basement you inbred sack of shit. And while I am thinking of it, doesn't your precious Bible tell you to turn the other cheek? I guess you missed that lesson. And speaking of the Bible...

Their comment: "Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he imagine himself to be wise." Proverbs 26:5

Posted by: Lex

Not bad, Lex. This would seem to suggest that fools should not go unchallenged, otherwise they might get big heads. But the previous verse reads "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself". Proverbs 26:4. This would suggest you shouldn't wallow with pigs.

Hmmm, these would seem to be contradictory. Someone care to reconcile them?

The 26th chapter of Proverbs seems to be devoted to advice about handling fools (and sluggards). I like the one that says "The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer discreetly." Proverbs 26:16. I also like the one that says "For lack of wood the fire goes out; and where there is no whisperer, quarrelling ceases." Proverbs 26:20. This could refer to gossip, but it would seem to have wider applicability."

My response: Hey, as everyone can attest, I am a reasonable guy. I like to stir up trouble sometimes, but I have a good head on my shoulders, and I am ALWAYS up for a good fight. With this in mind, I would like to challenge the one called Lex to a moderated debate. Lex, you seem like a reasonable guy, one whose ideology might differ from mine drastically, but able to argue with cogency and soundness. I propose we meet in a neutral chat room and argue the relevant topics of jihad in the world today. The debate will be moderated by at least two 2 members from each of our "camps," who will not be active participants, but will make sure we stick to the topic at hand. If either side resorts to name calling, they immediately forfeit ( i know it will be hard not to call you a sack of shit, but hey, that is what my blog is for). This way, we can get to the open discourse which we seemingly both crave. We can even place a bet on the event....perhaps along the lines of...If I win, you petition for my provisional reinstatement to www.jihadwatch.org (on the premise that I will not in any way ever again post anything derogatory on your site), and if you win I will erase all negative references to your website on my blog and will never be heard from again. Or we can just do it for the fun of the debate. C'mon Lex, you know this is the chance to make me and my side of the argument look foolish. What do you have to lose? The gauntlet is down. I will be patiently waiting your reply.....

NFL Offseason Power Rankings

2008-05-04T05:26:00.006-04:00

Sorry guys,

I have been remiss in my NFL predictions as of late, as I have been trying to make sense of the "intelligence" of the right-wing. Alas, gone are the days of foraying into the realm of the inane at www.jihadwatch.org, and back are my days as an NFL expert. Enjoy my offseason team-by-team power rankings, with my predicted record in parentheses.

1. New England Patriots (20-0). Last year was an aberration. The Patriots were deliciously close to being undefeated Super Bowl champions. This year they will go undefeated throughout the season and playoffs, and start every single one of their players in the Pro Bowl, which they will also win. This franchise has come a long way since the days of Steve Grogan, John Stephens, and Hart Lee Dykes. This team will roll. Welcome to Utopia.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars (14-2) Jack Del Rio really knows what he is doing down in the swamps. Kicking that sack of shit Byron Leftwich to the curb last year was smart, drafting 2 defensive ends to an already top-caliber defense was brilliant. Unfortunately, the Jags play in the same conference as the Pats, so they are blocked from the Super Bowl.
3. Philadelphia Iggles (12-4) In one of the biggest coups since the 18th Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte, the Iggles signed an absolute monster cornerback away from the Patriots in Asante Samuel, filling their biggest need in the process. As the law of averages would suggest, Donovan McNabb will finally play a full season and be MVP runner-up to Tom Brady. Brian Westbrook will run AND catch for 1000 yards, and will be an unstoppable, dynamic force. Look for the offense to also be bolstered by a midsummer night’s dream trade for Chad Johnson. The defense will struggle against the run at times, but in an uncharacteristically weak NFC East, it will not matter. Expect to see the Iggles fall just short to the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Also, expect to see Andy Reid top 500 pounds.

4.Houston Texans (12-4) This will finally be the year the Texans get their gubbins together and make the playoffs. If I had my druthers, I would say that the David Carr to Andre Johnson duo will explode for 18 touchdowns behind a revamped offensive line. The defense will also be better than anything the Oilers ever put on the field.

5. Minnesota Vikings (11-5) A late season collapse cost the Vikings a playoff berth last year. The likelihood of that happening this year is nil. The Vikings recently bolstered their already fantastic defense by adding all-pro DE Jared Allen. I have already given them a nickname… The Purple Proletariat Eaters. The offense will be sparked by 2000 yard threat Adrian ‘Purple Jesus’ Petersen and solid if not spectacular Tavarias Jackson at quarterback.

6. Dallas Cowboys (10-6) One of the up-and-coming teams in the NFC East. Look for Tony Romo to finally gel with his disgustingly good pass-catching targets Terrell Owens, Jason Witten, and Terry Glenn. The Big Tuna has been doing some fine work with the defense in recent seasons, and he will have one of the top units in the NFC with the addition of Pac Man Jones, who will make it rain. Unfortunately, the Boys will be in the same division as the juggernaut Iggles, but should contend for a wild card berth.

7. Oakland Raiders (11-5) The Raiders are rising faster than the 1968 French working class. Darren McFadden was a steal at the 4th overall pick and will immediately be a premier back who takes pressure away from up-and-coming star Jamarcus Russell. Combine this with probable down years from recent division powerhouses Denver and San Diego, and the Raiders will coast to the division title.

8. Atlanta Falcons (10-6) Matt Ryan is the next Dan Marino. He will be amazing as long as he doesn’t decide to run an illegal cat-fighting ring in West Chester. If he does, I nominate Alabama as the grand champion. She is lean, hungry, and scrappy, and has recently beaten all the weak-ass dogs in the house in what can only be described as a “dogfight.”

9. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) The difference between the Steelers and the rest of their division is summed up in an understanding of the difference between Marx and the Young Hegelians. Socialism is better than German Idealism. This is all you need to know.

10. Cleveland Browns (9-7) My cat, Alabama told me that the Browns are going to be good this year, but what does she know? She hasn’t eaten in weeks.

11. Indianapolis Colts (9-7) On the verge of finally winning it all, and what happens? Marvin Harrison has to go and shoot people. I expect he will go to prison, and the all-world passing attack of the Colts will come down to earth after their brilliance last year.

12. San Diego Chargers (8-8) Although I think Ladanian Tomlinson is poised to have the breakout year we have all been waiting for, I think the rest of this team is littered with downside boys and retreads. Not even close to the level on which the Raiders will be playing.

13. Kansas City Chiefs (7-7) Imagine how good this team would be right now if Derrick Thomas hadn’t passed away. As it stands, they are mediocre, although Brodie Croyle is emerging as a perennial all-pro quarterback. And they had an amazing draft.

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8) Mediocrity makes cowards of us all.

15. Chicago Bears (8-8) Stellar defense, atrocious offense leads Jonesy to wish he was still allowed to post on www.jihadwatch.org

16. Washington Redskins (7-9) Seriously, Daniel Snyder is the epitome of the ruling class pigs who exploit the means of production in our society. I have no room for this in my dialectic, and I will accordingly predict the Skins to miss the playoffs entirely. Also, fuck Rock Cartwright.

17. Tennessee Titans (8-8) Vince Young will never develop into a quality NFL passer if he is not surrounded by able bodied receivers who can actually catch the ball. As this issue was addressed neither via free agency nor the draft, the Titans will toil in mediocrity for yet another season.

18. Seattle Seahawks (12-4) Although they will coast to a division title, winning the sad sack of shit NFC West will be as impressive as Pol Pot’s human rights record. Look for Shaun Alexander to have a rebound year.

19. St. Louis Rams (6-10) One of the more uninteresting teams in the league, one can only wish back to the days of Willie “Flipper” Anderson and Henry Ellard. Blah.

20. San Francisco 49ers (5-11) Blah, blah, blah. I am going to play Tecmo Super Bowl.

21. Arizona Cardinals (4-12) The offense should be explosive as former MVP Kurt Warner will put up mega-stats, firing passes all over the field to his stud receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. The defense is a different story. They are terrible. Seriously, the only guys on this unit who are even worth mentioning are Freddie Joe Nunn, Cedric Mann, and Garth Jax, obviously.

22. Carolina Panthers (6-8) This team has some really good players and some really bad players. Really good players = Steve Smith, Julius Peppers. Really bad = everyone else.

23. Green Bay Packers (4-12) The fact that Brett Favre will be returning for one more season really pissed me off. That lying sack of shit has been pretending to retire for years, and has cost Green Bay fans any chance at seeing their once proud franchise rebuilt. Everybody knows Aaron Rodgers is a guy who deserves a chance.

24. Baltimore Ravens (5-11) This will be the year that Brian Billick finally proves to the league that he is an offensive genius. Kyle Boller will have his long awaited breakthrough. Too bad the defense has become old and decrepit.

25. Denver Broncos (6-10) “I don’t like soft-ass shit.” The Rock is a good movie. The Broncos will blow up.

26. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11) It is criminal that an offense this good has been coupled with a defense that has packed as much punch as a midori sour. They will sorely miss Chad Johnson.

27. Detroit Lions (4-12) The only chance this team has is Barry Sanders coming out of retirement. And in other news, Matt Millen drafted a wide receiver.

28. Atlanta Falcons (1-15) Michael Vick’s chicanery has destroyed this franchise for decades. The loss of one of the game’s best quarterbacks has left the Falcons in shambles.

29. New Orleans Saints (1-16) How pathetically, pathetically old the Saints have gotten. Steve Walsh has seen better days at QB, and the once fearsome running back tandem of Dalton Hilliard and Craig Ironhead Heyward has aged ungracefully. The receiving corps and line are terrible, as is the defense, with the exception of the linebacking unit of Pat Swilling, Sam Mills, Vaughan Johnson, and Ricky Jackson.

30. Miami Dolphins (0-12-4)

31. Buffalo Bills (0-12-4) I like to clap when I see this miserable pile of shit. Clap my hands over my eyes, that is. They may not score a point all year.

32. New York Jets (0-12-4) About as relevant as the fallacious “arguments” elicited by the sacks of shit at www.jihadwatch.org

TFCO,
-jonesy

The sheep from jihadwatch.org .... now on you tube!!!!!

2008-05-03T22:36:00.001-04:00

Seriously, you need to check out what these sacks of shit have done now!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

Jonesy has been banned from engaging the sheep of capitalism....

2008-05-02T21:31:00.003-04:00

Well, it seems I have stirred up a shitstorm of controversy with the right-wing sheep at our "sister-site," http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/020861.php#comments. Funny, the few days I spent "trolling" their site, and not one logical reply from any of the mindless hate-zombies. I guess, now that I have been banned forever, I can fondly and forever lament my one sojourn into the right wing. Meanwhile, I would like to start an anti-jihadwatch.org site affectionately known as The Ignoramii Watch.

Here are a few excerpts from those lying sacks of shit...

"Final thoughts on Jonesy, now banned. Somehow I feel responsible, and am strangely....glad!
As a Jonesy identified "sack of shit," I had hoped to give him some really shitty advice in response to his, oh, let me just post what he wrote: "I again implore you Lex, to answer my previous points with some sort of logical retort. This 'ad hominem,' as the logicians like to call it, is approaching the realm of triteness."
Hmm...the realm of triteness... Never heard of it. Is it near the Neutral Zone?
Now, you tell me. Is that some sort of logical retort, or not?"

"jonesy,
You want multiculturalism, do you? OK, take a vacation in Riyadh, and try to smuggle in a Bible. Loudly complain that its confiscation is a sin against multiculturalism, and that at the very least, as a goodwill gesture, the Saudi authorities should allow you to recite the Our Father in public. When they deny this request, loudly complain about it, and then loudly complain some more when they put you on the next plane out of there, while shouting at you, in perfect Mohammadan Arabic, "Go to hell, you stinking infidel! We don't need or want your multiculturalist bullshit!"
Put up or shut up, jonesy."

"People, this is what MoonBat "one called jonesy" has written on his stupid "Jonesy Report!":
"Do the fundamentalist right-wing Bible-thumping sacks of shit from jihadwatch.org follow any logic in their discourse?" --from the Jonesy Report
What a loser, that Philadelphian called "Jonesy""

"Oh, no.
Not another smug, smarter-than-thou commenter who, ignoring the context of the thread, chooses to display his arrogance and intolerance... while criticizing us for what he's doing.
Facts are facts, jonesy; facts are not opinions. Have you ever studied law?
We discuss facts here.
FACT: an incident, act, event, or circumstance. A fact is something that has already been done or an action in process. It is an event that has definitely and actually taken place, and is distinguishable from a suspicion, innuendo, or supposition. A fact is a truth as opposed to fiction or mistake.
And then we offer our thoughts viz those truths. You offer your opinions and half-truths and, by vain repetition, try to convince us by your smart-ass bullying that your mistakes are indeed facts.
Get in the line with the rest of the castrati."

"Wow, so this is what happens when a high schooler runs a blog? It'd be fun to see what this know nothing would write if he wasn't allowed to use a f-bomb every paragraph.
Jonesy, easily has the weakest counter-argument ever posted here on jihadwatch, even weaker than our good friend naseem. Jonesy, do yourself a favor, and go to school today. Now, I realize you probably get made fun of, and beat up a lot, but you are not going to make it in this world if you don't at least get your high school diploma.
"...I certainly would never set foot in Riyadh..."
Not surprising that the "tough" one jonesy wouldn't dare step foot in a muslim majority country like Saudi Arabia. Proving yet again, 'that multi-culturalism is a uni-cultural phenomenon.' "

wow. all this pompousness, and nobody dared engage me in open, logical dialog. Guess its time for the sock puppets to come free...

The Narrow-Minded right strikes again!!!!

2008-05-01T23:24:00.004-04:00

Apparently, the idiots at http://www.jihadwatch.org/ have no idea how to engage in relevant political dialog and/or commentary on the issues which they pretend to have as expertise. Seriously, I read the comments these simians make referring to news articles regarding the Moslem world, and I want to vomit in my fucking corn flakes. I have never before come across such narrow-minded, backward, insensitive sacks of shit in my life. I am ironically entertained by these posts, as they are so inane that I picture who, in fact, authors the idiocy. On one hand, I have a mental image of Joe Corapiti from Collingswood, New Jersey, who quit school in the 9th grade, married his sister and spends his days and his 67 IQ typing on the interwebs about how much he hates Islam. On the other hand, I picture Bobby Joe Ray, member of the NRA, not believing in evolution, believing in that lying sack of shit George W. Bush, shopping at Wal-Mart (only American made stuff, from China of course), living on his ranch outside of Odessa, Texas, shooting small game and pretending that he is shooting Muslin extremists.

America needs to get the fucking heads out of their asses and realize that such narrow-minded, capitalist, political incorrectness is what engendered such hatred from this alien civilization in the first place. We need to realize that while children starve in our streets because we are selfish and don’t give a fuck, there are gun-toting morons in Texas who are doing more to piss off other cultures than that lying sack of shit in the Oval Office. And finally, we need to realize that LOST has completely lost relevance as a good television show, and we should stop watching it.

G'Day Mates

2008-05-01T01:05:00.003-04:00

I have a lot of wonderful readers from Australia, so, in honor you chaps, allow me to highlight this amazing story of the Liberal Party leader apologizing for sniffing the chair of a female colleague. I'd like to note its perfectly in line with the ass-sniffing that lackey of imperialism John Howard did to the imperialist warmonger murderous blood-thirsty neo-fascist dictator George W. Bush for seven years.

Hey Guys II

2008-04-30T14:23:00.003-04:00

I miss Iron Head Heyward.

It's Not Music Anymore

2008-04-29T17:44:00.002-04:00

Hey guys, it’s been a really tough week. I was put in an idiocy induced coma from hearing the inane driveling of Mel Kiper Jr. I was only snapped out of it by the ingenious words and sounds of The Who’s Quadrophenia. Is it me, for a moment? If I could’ve lived in any other period, it would’ve been Russia in 1917 – an ability to test my mettle as a real man and revolutionary, fighting alongside my proletarian brethren against those who oppressed us and ushering in a brave new world. Then I would put a pick axe in Stalin’s head and save the world forever. If I had another time to live in, it would’ve been England in the early 1970s. To be there for The Who and The Mighty Led Zeppelin… YOWZAS!! Unfortunately, “music” nowadays is nothing but corporate swill and mindless trite. To prove this point, let us take a gander at the Billboard “Hot” 100 to see what cud is being regurgitated into the gaping maws of the mouth-breathers that buy this shit.

#1 – Lil Wayne: Lollipop. What a surprise. “Hip-hop” is topping the charts. I remember when hip-hop meant something. I remember when the NWA was turning out class-conscious albums like Straight Outta Compton. Or when Public Enemy, the Shostakovich of the African American Revolution, was releasing the anthem of Black Struggle – It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back. Now, hip-hop is nothing more than a collaborationist medium of the white, military-industrial complex that illegally occupies black cities. Their only goal is to divert the attention of the black proletariat from the struggle and turn them into lumpen proletariat – constantly out “hustlin’” and trying to get “money” and “hos” instead of fighting against those who oppress them. Good work Lil Wayne, you’re more of a class traitor than the Kronstadt scum – and hopefully you’ll meet the same fate.

#2 – Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love. No idea who this is. Her song could be called bleeding vag for all I care, I won’t listen.

#3 – Jordin Sparks – No Air. She came from the awful, awful American Idol. The goal of this program is to turn music into the most corporatist amalgamation of soulless tones and subliminal advertising that is possible. Perhaps if this young lady could get Coca-Cola’s dick out of her mouth long enough to try and learn to sing, perhaps from a great like Robert Plant, she could have a future. And lose some weight. No one likes fat chicks.

#4 – Usher feat. Young Jeezy – Love in the Club. See above. This maggot doesn’t merit me repeating myself.

#5 – Mariah Carey – Whatever Shit She’s Selling. I don’t even know if I can work up the energy to comment about this. Mariah Carey? I’ll buy her a bus ticket so she can come down here, service me, and then go to work picking trash up off the streets of Philadelphia for the rest of her life to try and repay the debt from the harm she inflicted upon society by singing and “acting.” Wait, I forgot Glitter. She just needs to be shot.

#6 – Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake – 4 Minutes. Wow. How is this whore still relevant? Her faux British accent is an insult to great men like Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, John Entwhistle and Keith Moon who really do/did have British accents. And Justin Timberlake? In Nepal, the workers are trying to seize control. In Venezuela they’re fighting against the meddling hands of imperialism. And all over Eastern Europe and Africa they are struggling in the streets everyday for rights. Here, in America, we’re listening to a washed up corporate whore, whose only notable contribution to society was to once fondle Jose Canseco’s tiny, steroid ravaged member, and her gal pal Justin Timberlake – who I assume exists merely to prove to all that God has abandoned us.

I cannot go beyond the top six, as I have grown weary from being exposed to this propaganda. I now need to refresh my soul the only way I know how.

The Revolution will not be Covered by Mel Kiper Jr.

2008-04-27T11:45:00.008-04:00

As some of my less-educated readers may know, the National Football League held its draft this weekend, a celebration for the slovenly and corpulent whose lives are measured in ounces of beer and hours of advertising. These ignorami are so devoid of free will and thought that they will mindlessly devote days of their lives toward the documentation of inane minutiae and the prognostication of the selection of "amateur" athletes. When our day comes, a man's speed in the forty-yard dash will not elevate him above the working class.

The empty pomp of this event is surpassed only by its staggering hypocrisy. The physically gifted are required to pursue "higher education" - an insidious servant to the almighty dollar. These are no students - but puppets, trotted out before the stupid public, dancing on stages of fake green grass, to earn real green money for those institutions and advertisors who are pulling the strings. In compensation for their exploitation, which many undergo willingly, like oxen undergo their yoke, these athletes are compensated with sex, lucre, and the undeserving attention of the vacuous masses.

And this ludicrous puppet show culminates in a gala celebrated only by the fat and the stupid. The unceasing and empty coverage is meant to hypnotize the drunken and slow, to distract them from their dull lives with meaningless anger towards the faceless organizations of capitalistic ideals. How dare Matt Millen draft Gosder Cherilus over Jeff Otah?

How dare the American public so readily consume this unnourishing drivel.

The Presidential Election

2008-04-27T02:57:00.003-04:00

Should I endorse a candidate? Perhaps, perhaps not. What does anyone care what this one, lonely interloper thinks? I am but a construct of the mind, useless to the real world.

I feel, though, as if I must. However, the candidates are so atrocious that they make me want to vomit on my sweater already.

First, we have John McCain - the crazy old man who wants to bomb Iran. I imagine it would be a cross between making these two men President:

Then we have Hillary Clinton, the Marie Antoinette of this race. Not just for the let them eat cake attitude that she hides behind her faux-working class credentials as a beer and shot kind of gal, but also for being the wife of the modern day Louis XVI, Bill Clinton. Of course, instead of being followed by a Great Revolution Clinton was folllowed by the Revolution of the Neo-Conservatives and Oil Millionaires who have reshaped society to their own ends. Also, Marie Antoinette liked speculating in pork futures. Sorry guys, that joke might have been over the line. Anyway, if that whore of capitalism pulls the TeleCom's dicks out of her mouth long enough to string together a coherent sentence, perhaps she could top Barack Obama. Then again, this could happen too.

And finally, we have the supposed front runner, Barack Obama. At times, I admit, I like him. And the thought of a black President would send so many racists into such a tizzy that I assume they would shit their pants. However, I must remind myself that he is the kinder, gentler face of American fascism. To paraphrase John Lennon, he could be like the folks on the hill. But first he must learn to smile as he kills. Of course, for the Democrats, this is a moot point, as what he is doing to Hillary is akin to this:

Alas, they are all imperialist swine. Despite what I do, my prediction is that the American working class will end up like Mojo.

The Chinese/Belgian/Capitalism Tripartite Alliance Against The Purity of Sports

2008-04-26T22:56:00.004-04:00

Well, as per usual, I enjoyed taking some time away from work today to flip through the mouthpiece for the British ruling class: The Financial Times. I was greeted with a story that hit me like a Rick James slap across the face. Supposedly, Jacques Rogge, head of the International Olympic Committee, has told the west to stop hectoring China over their massive human rights violations.

HA HA HA

Jacques Rogge is about as despicable a pig as the laboratory concocted spawn of Alexander Kolchak and Kenesaw Mountain Landis which I believe he is. Rogge, who was knighted by the Grand Inquisitor of Belgian Imperialism “King” Albert II, has one primary mission: helping divert the international class struggle into the mindless idiocy of nationalism. His special portfolio is, I believe, Minister of Sport for the Department of Diverting The International Proletariat Struggle. Athletes should be banding together to form teams based upon class lines – pitting the best of the proletariat versus the weak ass teams the bourgeoisie would be able to put together. I’ve constructed a starting lineup for Team Proletariat. Check it out:

C – Victor Martinez. Bonus points for being from Venezuela.

1B – Ryan Howard. Grew up in Missouri, notorious for poor people.

2B – Robinson Cano. Maintains the struggle through honoring Jackie Robinson, a fighter in the class struggle.

SS – Jimmy Rollins. Straight out of Oakland.

3B – Travis Hafner. Has always reminded me of a Southern Cesar Chavez. Had to move him to third-base as this is a notoriously imperialist position. Thanks George Brett.

LF – Adam Dunn. A true Hero of the Working Man. This is who John Edwards wishes he was.

CF – Coco Crisp. Obviously.

RF – Bobby Abreu. Again, a soldier in the Venezuelan Revolution.

P – Jamie Shields.

Compare this to the weakness of Team Bourgeoisie.

Team Bourgeoisie

C – Joe Mauer.

1B – Ken Caminiti.

2B – Chase Utley, however, he is a class traitor and will side with us.

3B – Ryan Zimmerman. Obviously.

SS – Davis Love III.

LF – Shawn Green. Obviously.

CF – Mark Kotsay.

RF – Chris Dodd.

P – Roger Clemens, The Great Satan of American Capitalism.

Who would you go to war with? I think its obvious who you would go to class war with.

And yet, Jacques Rogge – or Jacques Rogue, I should call him – wants to prevent this and instead force us all into competing for the capitalist oppressors who deign to call themselves our national leaders. Although I am an expert golfer, even if golf was in the Olympics I would not choose to compete for the flag of the oppressor nation in which I reside and instead would use my mighty 4 iron to strike down those who control the means of production and exploit us. Of course golf is not in the Olympics. And neither is baseball. And who is responsible for removing baseball? Jacques Rogue (remember, that’s what I renamed him).

Well, this Flemish sack of shit should go back to the Walloon whorehouse where his mother gave birth to him and keep his nose out of sport. Instead, he has now taken upon himself the duty of being Chief Apologist for Chinese Stalinist Oppression. Oh no Jacques, is the rising up of the working class to protest these atrocities too much for you? Then I assume when we rise up to seize the commanding heights of the economy it shall also be too much for you. The sight of millions of workers marching, arm in arm, to your Ivory Tower to tear your entrails out shall make you shit your pants. And even that will be more entertaining than watching the farce/sham which you pass off as the Olympic Games.

Onward to the Dictatorship of the Proletariat!

Also, check out this awesome video of Asdrubal Cabrera.

Random Pearls Found Across the Information Super Highway

2008-04-26T19:21:00.003-04:00

Hey everybody. I was going to post this last night, but I’ve been drowning in doubles. However, I think, like Lenin’s The State and Revolution or Who’s Next, that it is still as relevant today as it was when it was first written.

The Islamofascist capitalist industrialist pigs that run Iran are holding their second round of the parliamentary “elections” today. Unsurprisingly, this is expected to strengthen the grip of the conservatives.
Elijah Dukes works off his community service cleaning cages at the zoo. I bet he hasn’t been around that much shit since the last time he walked in the Nationals’ bullpen.
That petty-bourgeois puppet of Richard Gere, the Dalai Lama, is meeting with Chinese envoys today. I smell doom for the Tibetan working class.
The Big Hurt returns to the A’s. Marv Albert’s thoughts on this? SODOMY! IT”S GOOD!
As Ukrainian inflation soars, the Ukrainian bourgeoisie sits back and feasts on the blood and sweat of the workers. These pigs should be dragged into the street and shot like a cross between the Romanovs and a mangy dog.
The Countdown Begins until Harold & Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo! Let’s see two of the best voices for leftist politics take down those lying sacks of shit George Dubya Bush and Dick Cheney.
The Zimbabwe elections have about as much integrity as the NBA Finals, with slightly more death than a Pac Man Jones strip club trip.
ZIP!
John McCain = Franz von Papen?
What a band.

The Dalai Lama Waste Land

2008-04-25T19:58:00.002-04:00

In my own private search for meaning, I have taken personal offence to the one Mr. Dalai Lama. Don’t misunderstand me, if the lying sacks of shit who currently have a stranglehold on our means of production ever applied the teaching of Dali, we might actually get our societal gubbins together. As it stands, however, the Lama is nothing short of a cute, harmless project for the fake-left, and a distraction to the cause. Damn you Richard Gere. If I had my druthers, I would send Dolly to the Grand Liberal Petting Zoo, ostensibly located inside Ted Turner’s compound.

Seriously, we all need to wake the fuck up and come out from behind the grand façade of Imposterism in our midst. We need to stop putting The Dalai Lama on a fucking pedestal and see him for who he really is, namely, Teddy Ruxpin. You pull the pin, and he says cute little quotes. Beyond that he is useless. Don’t let the Regime fool you. The Dalai Lama is little more than a construct of the murderous bourgeois dogs like George W. Bush, Richard Gere, and Kobe Bryant. He has no place in our struggle for improvement, as these fucking pigs would have you believe. Stop being blinded by the foolish rhetoric of the inconsequential.

So I pray all of you take heed to a message purported by the Llama himself, that is – “If you have a particular faith or religion, that is good. But you can survive without it.” Dear Llama, we can, and will, survive without you.

Hey Guys

2008-04-25T00:33:00.002-04:00

Is it just me, or is Jamie Shields the most underrated pitcher in baseball?

The Majesty of our Forefathers, the Inadequacy of our Spawn, the Reeking Buns of Los Angelenos.

2008-04-24T12:24:00.001-04:00

Ensconsed in regality.

Crowned, next.

49 and 10.

God among man. Man among boy. Boy among the embryo.

Zen.

Philistine.

Nugget, thwarted.

Lying in a pool of blood, wasted in the streets.

The choices we make will regale the lot.

So be it.

Kobe.

In the name of the Dagmar

2008-04-24T11:52:00.000-04:00

What ever happened to all the fun in the world? John Maynard annexed it from our souls. I am now an a-person, living fruitlessly among the a-people, the unadorned frontispiece of normality wasting my soul like The Leeches of the Angels.

Let’s talk about leather. As a lad, I felt a natural zeal about leather. I liked the way men looked in it, and naturally, wanted to be a biker. All of the other children wanted to be doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs, and I wanted to be a biker. Jesus loved the little children, and he was destined to adore this little leatherbound lad. Translated into adult life – crap. I was forced to wear a leather jacket by someone significant the other day, and it was not, as they say, agreeable. Pores, dripping with the sweat of a thousand days and nights of the Proletariat. Goodness me.

Forgive my rhetoric, as it has been a long night. I spent some time messing about with my crew, namely, Bozzio, Dagmar, Ko-Ko and Sir Richard Pump-a-Loaf. Cucumber pud annexed into a fine whole-wheat. Traversing the eclipse. Tall, tall trees. What has it all become?

To the point. Jackassery is tolerated but intolerable. A buck four-fifteen and a-counting. The flexible meese mess my myriad mind. Go homeward, young, inexorable, intertwining man…go, get your paychecks and go home, go the beasts of the land, and the air, and the sea, go and lay sucking the bosoms of your mothers and go, be the one who dignifies the indignance of the sheep, the trolls, the earth, the sights and sounds of life, death, antiquity, and understanding… go listen to the voices that tell you to do, and see, and say, and be, and act upon the whims of all who have done, and seen, and said, and been, and turned words into lore and lore into myths and myths into legends and legends into oblivion and oblivion into that which we now understand as something that was, is, and ever shall be…and the dirge of the egress echoes.

I am not Jewish, but I can commiserate with a lifetime of harrying. Persecution’s perfume perfunctorily permeates persons. As they say, indeed. What passes for discourse is nothing but strings of inanities punctuated by the stolid catchphrases created in a GE laboratory by PepsiCola’s Columbian Deathsquad Division. Nasty princesses.

Time is of the essence. Time is on my side. Time is a conception of the lying sacks of shit who tell us what to eat, why poison is badness, why badness is poison, why the world works on one level, why the fire is extensive, where my mind may or may not even fucking fathom to-go. Bah, Arlen Specter.

I sly. I fly sly, I cry sly, I try sly, in the sly sty, in the sly sky.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

Sorry guys.

Book Review

2008-04-24T10:01:00.004-04:00

Gentlemen, I was just re-reading one of the fine tomes of the last century: Homage to Catalonia. George Orwell's brilliant prose is only matched by his stunning political insight. I do believe that you could replace Chris Matthews with Comrade Orwell's rotting corpse and the level of discourse on Hardball would improve tenfold - although perhaps the smell would be worse. However, that would be offset when members of this administration, who smell like the sacks of shit they are, are guests on this fine show.

Compare the works of Orwell with the pathetic excuses for authors that exist today whose only goal is to appear on the Oprah Book Club. The pathetic tripe which passes for "literature" in our society is perhaps best exemplified by the religious, or sometimes quasi-religious, "works" of "authors" such as Dan Brown (he of the Tom Hanks adapted DaVinci Code) or whatever monkey at a typewriter pounded out the Left Behind series. Perhaps, if the American proletariat ever awaken from their tequila and Miller Lite induced slumber and overthrow the lying sacks of shit which run this country at the behest of their corporate overlords, we would retain these "writers" to pen instruction manuals for DVD players. More likely, they would be forced to work for the first time in their life and quickly find that their lives of pleasure based off lulling the American people into a deep sleep would be what is "left behind."

Tequila is the Quaff of the Mentally Bankrupt

2008-04-24T02:54:00.000-04:00

I am forced to work in an inglorious hovel that exists only to serve tourists, a group of people whose wealth has so saturated their collective consciousness that they travel to mundane places to justify their pathetic and moribund existences. Listening to their inane supper chatter is as painful as listening to Pearl Jam destroy a classic Who anthem. The only thing that makes attending to such sheep tolerable is alcohol, which both loosens their wallets and silences their pitiable personalities.

Of late, however, I have found an increasing number of tourists enjoy consuming the distillate of the agave plant in massive quantities. This boorish and stupid activity transforms normally complacent fools into loud and obnoxious ignoramii, spouting catchphrases derived from their television sets. These people are brainwashed by the media, like hopeless mice in a laboratory maze with no exits, American Idol and Grey's Anatomy the rotting cheese. And for a reason unknown to this humble intellectual, tequila is the newest drug, used to sedate the masses for whatever imperialist purposes lie behind the red tape and closed doors that now represent this country's "highest" office.

The day will come when those inebriated and incompetent sacks of shit will be forced to answer for their pathetic decisions, and their realities will be buried beneath a tide of self-awareness. The only fermented beverage fit to be consumed by an educated man is vodka, the perfect alcohol, clear as crystal, carefully crafted over hundreds of years of labor and toil. A chilled glass of excellent vodka is as close as one in my unfortunate position can get to perfection, where I can relax for a moment from my never-ending struggle to save this doomed citizenry, and imagine society as it should be, free from the oppressive chains that bind every corner of this Atlantean nation.

Doublespeak.

2008-04-23T23:23:00.000-04:00

Guys, the great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.

Sorry Guys

2008-04-23T23:02:00.000-04:00

I want to apologize to everyone for inadvertently sending out invitations to join my blog when my desire was to share with you, my friends, this outlet into my soul. I suppose I haven't yet mastered this technology, as its proving more difficult to master than Jimmy Page's solo in Moby Dick. Of course, I expect to be held accountable for this mistake, as it is clearly more egregious than other famous mistakes, such as leading our country into this long nightmare of an imperialist occupation in Iraq. Or trading Placido Polanco for Ugueth Urbina and his machete of doom.

For now, I choose to keep this blog solely to my own thoughts. Perchance in the future we may be allowed to collaborate.

Sorry guys.

Guys

2008-04-23T22:19:00.000-04:00

It just occurred to me, we still haven't found the Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Does anyone remember thats why we went to war? What a gaggle of lying sacks of shit is this administration. I'm sure President Hillary McBama will be better.

Greetings

2008-04-23T20:09:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, welcome to my blog. I finally realized that instead of letting all my thoughts get bottled up and boil over into my primary form of interaction with other humans - the inane small talk I'm forced to engage in with half-brain dead tourists at The Tavern - I could creatively express myself in what George W. Bush likes to call "the internets."

Who am I? I'm a refugee in the on-going war against intellectualism that started at time immemorial and has been prosecuted with amazing alacrity since January 20, 2001 - certainly with more success than the War Against Turror. I'm forced to ply my trade at a glorified trough for tourists because the written word is valued in this country about as highly in this country as free thought was in Ceausescu's Romania. I unfortunately live with a troika of ignoramii who appreciate me not at all, although perhaps not as ironically condescending as the sacks of shit whom I used to cohabitate with. I am, however, madly in love with my feline companion Alabama, the last remaining vestige of a relationship with a succubus who tried to devour my essence as if I were General Jack D. Ripper.

I am firmly interested in politics, or, perhaps I should say, the ongoing one sided class war being fought in this country. I enjoy sports and am an avid Phillies fan. And, one day, I will play guitar on stage with an aging Led Zeppelin.

I'll try not to bore you further with my musings now. Perhaps, in the future.......