Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Genius of Kilborn

Ever since Saturday I've been juggling the thankless shifts serving domestic swill to inbred hicks with enjoying the glory of Craig Kilborn. Below is a video that encapsulates everything that makes Kilborn such a national treasure.

First, his guest: Dave Grohl. Now, for a long time I resisted Dave Grohl's alleged charms. He was part of one of the worst "bands" ever in Nirvana, a group that was completely unnecessary, and stole the early 90s spotlight from more talented bands such as Rush and the J. Geils Band.1 And the Foo Fighters are nothing special. But his yeoman like drumming on Them Crooked Vultures, along side the amazing JPJ, earns him my respect.

1. seriously, how did Roll the Bones not make it to #1 on the Billboard charts, while dreck like Nevermind did? The taste of the American record buying public saddens me.

Secondly, the questions here are amazing. The first one highlights the aristocratic nature of the American monarchy (I'm sorry, Presidency) that most late night journalists are too scared to acknowledge. The second celebrates one of the great proletarian cuisines of all time, Chinese food. The third? Well, no one's perfect. The fourth again goes into territory that others are too scared to venture towards. Sure, his replacement at The Daily Show, that imperialist lapdog John Stewart, may pop up in a movie like Half Baked. But then he puts on his monkey costume and dances for his corporate overlords at Viacom. Kilborn has the guts to actually discuss marijuana like an adult, not some giggling school girl.2

2.However, his conclusion to this dialectic is wrong, the actual answer is Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite.

This final question is a devastating stabs at the Holy Idol of American Consumerism: fame. To make clear its emptiness, forcing the mewling children in the studio audience and the dimwitted fools at home to confront their deepest preconceptions and understand how their beliefs are flawed? And to do it on CBS? Kudos, sir, Marx himself would be impressed.

Thirdly, the very concept of Five Questions turn these conceptions on their heads, by having the powerful turn to the masses (the heroes in the studio audience) for answers? And some troglodytic corporate lackey at CBS had his head so far up Rupert Murdoch's ass that he couldn't see what was going on?!

Watch, enjoy, marvel, learn.

Sorry Guys

I just today learned that the NBA (National Bourgeois Association) is locking out the hard working laborers of the league: the players. This is an outrage and it cannot stand.

In support of this fearless vanguard of the proletariat, I must shut down this blog in protest of the scurrilous actions of the owners. Sorry to get your hopes up, but I must once again run silent.

Until we meet again...

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Album Review: The Who By Numbers

2011 has been a magical year in many respects. We've seen Lebron James be exposed, the US political system is about to create a crisis that will finally shock the working class into movement against their profane masters, and my life long dream of seeing my beloved Boston Bruins capture Lord Stanley's Cup came true.

But nothing that happened this year has been more important than the development of Grantland. Finally, the vanguard of the intellectual class has congregated in one place to provide round the clock coverage of sports, music and entertainment. My fellow Bostonian Bill Simmons (perhaps spurred on by the greatness of the Bruins?) created this forum of ideas and has populated it with a Who's Whom of great writers. Chief amongst them is Chuck Klosterman. His minute by minute breakdown of Led Zeppelin's In the Evening has inspired me to begin doing track by track reviews of the great albums of rock.

We begin with The Who By Numbers. Following up greatness has always been a difficult task. From Lenin to Rodenberry, those who succeed greatly have trouble following it up with something as amazing (this may befall my beloved Bruins, who, following the greatest season in NHL history, will be hard pressed to win next year's Cup in such exciting fashion). In 1973 The Who released Quadrophenia, the greatest album ever. Would the follow up be another classic, or their version of Earth: Final Conflict?

The answer is that it was, like the Bruins, perfect.

Track 1 - Slipkid

The sound of clapping and a countdown begin The Who's post Quadrophenia efforts. When Pete Townshend's mighty guitar roars onto the scene it becomes clear what will happen with this album. Roger Daltrey's vocals are as to be expected, hitting every note with more passion than I feel for Ray Bourque. We see what The Who By Numbers will be about. Gone are the synthesisers and the massive layers of overdubs. In their places are descriptions of Townshend's alcoholism, lust, and self-loathing, as well as the dark side of creeping "middle age"[clarification needed] and the fear of irrelevance.
No less powerful is the lyrical description of a young man forced into the life of a soldier. Obviously, this song was an examination of the Angolan Civil War, and the listener is taken into the shoes of a staunch anti-imperialist who is fighting for freedom. The guitar solo suggests that we may even be a Cuban national fighting for the international brotherhood. A truly bold choice, Mr. Townshend.
The song concludes with the lament "No easy way to be free." What true words! Freedom requires a great sacrifice, of blood, sweat, money and experimentation. These four minutes and thirty two seconds of greatness extol the virtues of international brotherhood of workers, the fight for freedom, and that special something that makes the world bearable.

Track Two - However Much I Booze

In a bold choice, The Who turn from the theme of the class struggle to expand on the "easy way to be free." Here, Messrs. Townshend and Daltrey (doing an amazing impression of Pete's vocal styles) sing about the false hope offered by alcohol. Now, I am certainly no Prohibition Patty, and have enjoyed a brew or two in my life. But when Roger Daltrey screams "There ain't no way out" it suggests that alcohol doesn't offer such a way out, but perhaps, something else does?
These two tracks serve to illuminate the real message of this album: that only through the class struggle and experimentation with the limits of the mind can we find "a way out" to "be free."

Track Three - Squeezebox

A jaunty little number full of sexual innuendo. But, only on the surface. This is one of the few mistakes on the album. Lyrically, the song works as what it is intended to be: a furtherance of the theme of the work needed to be done to improve our lives. Unfortunately, some weak musical choices turn it into much lighter fare, edible by even young children.
Thankfully, the song reaches its full potential in, of all things, a cover version by the normally ineffectual Poison. The problem with Poison, of course, being their inane lyrics. Every rose does indeed have its thorns, sir, but such trite and obvious observations are better left to American Idol contestants and the ladies from The View. This leads me to an interesting question: would Poison, solely playing the works of Pete Townshend, become the most revolutionary band ever? Judge for yourself (WARNING: Viewing this video may lead to you reexamine your preconceptions about the world):

Simply, amazing. The true spirit of this song is unleashed. Note, too, please, that this took place on the underrated Craig Kilborn's show, a man constantly hounded by the soulless minions of orthodoxy, first being replaced on ESPN for a gaggle of idiots, then on The Daily Show by that petty-bourgeois clown John Stewart, then finally by the reactionary Craig Ferguson. Perhaps we need Mr. Kilborn back on our TVs now, more than ever.

Track Four - Dreaming From the Waist

Another classic, another call to arms, another song that the braindead classes think is purely about sex. What is it about the louts, drunkards, jocks, thirstyboys, and ruffians that cause them to think only in terms of their member? Is it, perhaps, the lack of confidence they hold in it? Some sort of Oedipal obsession? Or is society at fault?
"Dreaming from the waist on down" refers to dreaming with the part of one's body that allows movement. What movement? Perhaps, the inevitable march towards a more equitable society. Or the movement towards enlightenment. Or even a jaunty walk down the street that allows the mind and soul to soar up above the trees and look down upon the world and to see it for what it truly is.
Sadly, this song is also very insensitive towards paraplegics.

Track Five - Imagine a Man

One of the more difficult songs to understand. Seemingly, this should be quite easy to play, but I'm not sure if that's an A minor or A major 7th in the fourth bar of the refrain. Also, moving from an open B to arpeggiated 1/8ths through the D scale? Not at all easy, I assure you. I think I may have this one done soon. Video will be posted, worry not.

Track Six - Success Story

Not bad.

Track Seven - They Are All in Love


Track Eight - Blue Red and Grey

Ukulele intros = FUCK YEAH!

Track Nine - How Many Friends

"How many friends have I really got?" Clearly, this song was written by someone without a cat.

Track Ten - In a Hand or a Face
Eagles just signed Cullen Jenkins.

Final Grade: 9.5/10

The NFL is back, and so am I!

Pretty pumped to have the NFL back. Hoping the Pats don't "stand pat" and mix some things up. The end of last season left a sour taste in my mouth, losing to that joke of a team from New Jersey and the fat coach and therapist quarterback. Sadly, the titans of industry that run the NFL know where their bread is buttered and that by putting the Jets into the AFC Championship Game, over the small market, upstart Patriots, they will see more dollars that they can use to fuel their conspiracies and engineer wars against the people of Libya. Following up on the heels of the 2010 screwjob against the Ravens, the 2008 season being destroyed by Robert Geathers fulfilling Paul Tagliabue's dying wish, and The Catch That Shall Not Be Named (which any clear thinking person can see was obviously an incomplete pass), the conspiracy against the Pats is more obvious than the CIA's use of Mark David Chapman to silence John Lennon. But I think if we can sign Robert Gallery that will turn it all around.

I know I haven't kept up with you all as much as I should, but it's been a long strange journey. I'll recap you all as to where I've been for the last three years, but suffice to say, it's been.... memorable? I've also been keeping a journal, from which I will, if whimsy leads me there, treat you all to some of my humble musings. It's good to be back.

And fuck www.jihadwatch.org

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Fear Not, All Will Be Answered

My abrupt reappearance has generated a surprising amount of emails.  So, let me answer my “fan mail” here so everyone can be on the same page.

 John from Pottsville says: Jonesy, when does the new album drop?  Very excited for it!

John, the new album will be dropping soon, I promise.  No release date yet set.  There’s still some, shall we say, production issues?  I need a regular Stakhanovite movement to get production to where it needs to be.


Zack from Alaska asks: Jonesy, what happened to you?!  I was worried your voice was silenced.  We need you comrade. 

Zack, fear not, my voice has not yet been silenced.  I realized that the odds of Bush peacefully turning over power to Obama were small, so I’ve been “woodshedding” in a small place in Nova Scotia (location as undisclosed as Cheney’s bunker), working on the new album and waiting out the storm.  Thankfully, now that power has been peacefully transferred from one branch of the bourgeoisie to another, I can safely return.  Is Barack Obama America’s Franz von Papen?  Obviously.  But I can ride that out, it’s worth it to be part of the struggle here in the belly of the beast.  When I figure out who the new Kurt von Schleicher is, well, then I’ll think about returning abroad. 


Steve from Exton asks: Jonesy, why don’t you like this Willie Bloomquist signing?  Every team needs scrappy players.  Also, dying for the new album to drop.  Love you!

Steve, I think someone has dual man crushes, on me and Willie Bloomquist.  We’re both David Ecksteinesque tough as nails underachievers who hustle.  But I think even I could OPS more than Bloomquist.  And my VORRM (Value Over Replacement Revolutionary Musician) is certainly higher than his.


Joe from Parts Unknown asks: Jonesy, any chance you’ll release some early cuts from the new album?  Please?

Joe, sorry my friend, but no can do.  At least… not yet.  We’ll see what the future brings.  And say hello to The Ultimate Warrior for me!

The Annals of Dumb Decisions

What were the Royals thinking giving Willie Bloomquist such a large contract?  Gadzooks!

Monday, May 5, 2008

More ignoble poppycock from our comrades at jihadwatch......

Seriously, these guys just don't quit!!!!! Check this out...

Their comment: "It's the little pussies that talk crap like jonesy does. The cowardly punk doesn't have the guts to talk to anyone, face to face the way he does online...he'll call ya all kindsa names and hurl insults when there are no real consequences.
As was said...he's just here to bark at us and make noise, like some annoying dog on a chain that raises hell as you pass by. I think I mentioned the word Troll when this punk was present, and he immediately took my words to mean him/it. It knows what it is apparently.
I won't even attempt to converse with a hate filled, potty mouthed little punk like him. His opinion of us/me kinda precludes it...
Any further attempts by hateboy to portray himself as being a reasonable person interested in dialogue will fall on "deaf ears" around here I think. He's just here to be an ass...nothing more. I mean....could his opinion of us get any lower? Certainly my opinion of him couldn't."

My response: pussy, cowardly punk, annoying dog, Troll, It, potty mouthed, hateboy, ass. I love it. I believe this is a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this. The true definition of an "internet tough guy." Seriously dude, don't get hurt playing with guns in Mommy's basement you inbred sack of shit. And while I am thinking of it, doesn't your precious Bible tell you to turn the other cheek? I guess you missed that lesson. And speaking of the Bible...

Their comment: "Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he imagine himself to be wise." Proverbs 26:5

Posted by: Lex

Not bad, Lex. This would seem to suggest that fools should not go unchallenged, otherwise they might get big heads. But the previous verse reads "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself". Proverbs 26:4. This would suggest you shouldn't wallow with pigs.

Hmmm, these would seem to be contradictory. Someone care to reconcile them?

The 26th chapter of Proverbs seems to be devoted to advice about handling fools (and sluggards). I like the one that says "The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer discreetly." Proverbs 26:16. I also like the one that says "For lack of wood the fire goes out; and where there is no whisperer, quarrelling ceases." Proverbs 26:20. This could refer to gossip, but it would seem to have wider applicability."

My response: Hey, as everyone can attest, I am a reasonable guy. I like to stir up trouble sometimes, but I have a good head on my shoulders, and I am ALWAYS up for a good fight. With this in mind, I would like to challenge the one called Lex to a moderated debate. Lex, you seem like a reasonable guy, one whose ideology might differ from mine drastically, but able to argue with cogency and soundness. I propose we meet in a neutral chat room and argue the relevant topics of jihad in the world today. The debate will be moderated by at least two 2 members from each of our "camps," who will not be active participants, but will make sure we stick to the topic at hand. If either side resorts to name calling, they immediately forfeit ( i know it will be hard not to call you a sack of shit, but hey, that is what my blog is for). This way, we can get to the open discourse which we seemingly both crave. We can even place a bet on the event....perhaps along the lines of...If I win, you petition for my provisional reinstatement to www.jihadwatch.org (on the premise that I will not in any way ever again post anything derogatory on your site), and if you win I will erase all negative references to your website on my blog and will never be heard from again. Or we can just do it for the fun of the debate. C'mon Lex, you know this is the chance to make me and my side of the argument look foolish. What do you have to lose? The gauntlet is down. I will be patiently waiting your reply.....