The Revolution will not be Covered by Mel Kiper Jr.

As some of my less-educated readers may know, the National Football League held its draft this weekend, a celebration for the slovenly and corpulent whose lives are measured in ounces of beer and hours of advertising. These ignorami are so devoid of free will and thought that they will mindlessly devote days of their lives toward the documentation of inane minutiae and the prognostication of the selection of "amateur" athletes. When our day comes, a man's speed in the forty-yard dash will not elevate him above the working class.

The empty pomp of this event is surpassed only by its staggering hypocrisy. The physically gifted are required to pursue "higher education" - an insidious servant to the almighty dollar. These are no students - but puppets, trotted out before the stupid public, dancing on stages of fake green grass, to earn real green money for those institutions and advertisors who are pulling the strings. In compensation for their exploitation, which many undergo willingly, like oxen undergo their yoke, these athletes are compensated with sex, lucre, and the undeserving attention of the vacuous masses.

And this ludicrous puppet show culminates in a gala celebrated only by the fat and the stupid. The unceasing and empty coverage is meant to hypnotize the drunken and slow, to distract them from their dull lives with meaningless anger towards the faceless organizations of capitalistic ideals. How dare Matt Millen draft Gosder Cherilus over Jeff Otah?

How dare the American public so readily consume this unnourishing drivel.