Saturday, July 30, 2011
Album Review: The Who By Numbers
The NFL is back, and so am I!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Fear Not, All Will Be Answered
My abrupt reappearance has generated a surprising amount of emails. So, let me answer my “fan mail” here so everyone can be on the same page.
John, the new album will be dropping soon, I promise. No release date yet set. There’s still some, shall we say, production issues? I need a regular Stakhanovite movement to get production to where it needs to be.
Zack from Alaska asks: Jonesy, what happened to you?! I was worried your voice was silenced. We need you comrade.
Zack, fear not, my voice has not yet been silenced. I realized that the odds of Bush peacefully turning over power to Obama were small, so I’ve been “woodshedding” in a small place in Nova Scotia (location as undisclosed as Cheney’s bunker), working on the new album and waiting out the storm. Thankfully, now that power has been peacefully transferred from one branch of the bourgeoisie to another, I can safely return. Is Barack Obama America’s Franz von Papen? Obviously. But I can ride that out, it’s worth it to be part of the struggle here in the belly of the beast. When I figure out who the new Kurt von Schleicher is, well, then I’ll think about returning abroad.
Steve from Exton asks: Jonesy, why don’t you like this Willie Bloomquist signing? Every team needs scrappy players. Also, dying for the new album to drop. Love you!
Steve, I think someone has dual man crushes, on me and Willie Bloomquist. We’re both David Ecksteinesque tough as nails underachievers who hustle. But I think even I could OPS more than Bloomquist. And my VORRM (Value Over Replacement Revolutionary Musician) is certainly higher than his.
Joe from Parts Unknown asks: Jonesy, any chance you’ll release some early cuts from the new album? Please?
Joe, sorry my friend, but no can do. At least… not yet. We’ll see what the future brings. And say hello to The Ultimate Warrior for me!
The Annals of Dumb Decisions
Monday, May 5, 2008
More ignoble poppycock from our comrades at jihadwatch......
Their comment: "It's the little pussies that talk crap like jonesy does. The cowardly punk doesn't have the guts to talk to anyone, face to face the way he does online...he'll call ya all kindsa names and hurl insults when there are no real consequences.
As was said...he's just here to bark at us and make noise, like some annoying dog on a chain that raises hell as you pass by. I think I mentioned the word Troll when this punk was present, and he immediately took my words to mean him/it. It knows what it is apparently.
I won't even attempt to converse with a hate filled, potty mouthed little punk like him. His opinion of us/me kinda precludes it...
Any further attempts by hateboy to portray himself as being a reasonable person interested in dialogue will fall on "deaf ears" around here I think. He's just here to be an ass...nothing more. I mean....could his opinion of us get any lower? Certainly my opinion of him couldn't."
My response: pussy, cowardly punk, annoying dog, Troll, It, potty mouthed, hateboy, ass. I love it. I believe this is a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this. The true definition of an "internet tough guy." Seriously dude, don't get hurt playing with guns in Mommy's basement you inbred sack of shit. And while I am thinking of it, doesn't your precious Bible tell you to turn the other cheek? I guess you missed that lesson. And speaking of the Bible...
Their comment: "Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he imagine himself to be wise." Proverbs 26:5
Posted by: Lex
Not bad, Lex. This would seem to suggest that fools should not go unchallenged, otherwise they might get big heads. But the previous verse reads "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself". Proverbs 26:4. This would suggest you shouldn't wallow with pigs.
Hmmm, these would seem to be contradictory. Someone care to reconcile them?
The 26th chapter of Proverbs seems to be devoted to advice about handling fools (and sluggards). I like the one that says "The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer discreetly." Proverbs 26:16. I also like the one that says "For lack of wood the fire goes out; and where there is no whisperer, quarrelling ceases." Proverbs 26:20. This could refer to gossip, but it would seem to have wider applicability."
My response: Hey, as everyone can attest, I am a reasonable guy. I like to stir up trouble sometimes, but I have a good head on my shoulders, and I am ALWAYS up for a good fight. With this in mind, I would like to challenge the one called Lex to a moderated debate. Lex, you seem like a reasonable guy, one whose ideology might differ from mine drastically, but able to argue with cogency and soundness. I propose we meet in a neutral chat room and argue the relevant topics of jihad in the world today. The debate will be moderated by at least two 2 members from each of our "camps," who will not be active participants, but will make sure we stick to the topic at hand. If either side resorts to name calling, they immediately forfeit ( i know it will be hard not to call you a sack of shit, but hey, that is what my blog is for). This way, we can get to the open discourse which we seemingly both crave. We can even place a bet on the event....perhaps along the lines of...If I win, you petition for my provisional reinstatement to www.jihadwatch.org (on the premise that I will not in any way ever again post anything derogatory on your site), and if you win I will erase all negative references to your website on my blog and will never be heard from again. Or we can just do it for the fun of the debate. C'mon Lex, you know this is the chance to make me and my side of the argument look foolish. What do you have to lose? The gauntlet is down. I will be patiently waiting your reply.....
Sunday, May 4, 2008
NFL Offseason Power Rankings
I have been remiss in my NFL predictions as of late, as I have been trying to make sense of the "intelligence" of the right-wing. Alas, gone are the days of foraying into the realm of the inane at www.jihadwatch.org, and back are my days as an NFL expert. Enjoy my offseason team-by-team power rankings, with my predicted record in parentheses.
1. New England Patriots (20-0). Last year was an aberration. The Patriots were deliciously close to being undefeated Super Bowl champions. This year they will go undefeated throughout the season and playoffs, and start every single one of their players in the Pro Bowl, which they will also win. This franchise has come a long way since the days of Steve Grogan, John Stephens, and Hart Lee Dykes. This team will roll. Welcome to Utopia.
2. Jacksonville Jaguars (14-2) Jack Del Rio really knows what he is doing down in the swamps. Kicking that sack of shit Byron Leftwich to the curb last year was smart, drafting 2 defensive ends to an already top-caliber defense was brilliant. Unfortunately, the Jags play in the same conference as the Pats, so they are blocked from the Super Bowl.
3. Philadelphia Iggles (12-4) In one of the biggest coups since the 18th Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte, the Iggles signed an absolute monster cornerback away from the Patriots in Asante Samuel, filling their biggest need in the process. As the law of averages would suggest, Donovan McNabb will finally play a full season and be MVP runner-up to Tom Brady. Brian Westbrook will run AND catch for 1000 yards, and will be an unstoppable, dynamic force. Look for the offense to also be bolstered by a midsummer night’s dream trade for Chad Johnson. The defense will struggle against the run at times, but in an uncharacteristically weak NFC East, it will not matter. Expect to see the Iggles fall just short to the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Also, expect to see Andy Reid top 500 pounds.
4.Houston Texans (12-4) This will finally be the year the Texans get their gubbins together and make the playoffs. If I had my druthers, I would say that the David Carr to Andre Johnson duo will explode for 18 touchdowns behind a revamped offensive line. The defense will also be better than anything the Oilers ever put on the field.
5. Minnesota Vikings (11-5) A late season collapse cost the Vikings a playoff berth last year. The likelihood of that happening this year is nil. The Vikings recently bolstered their already fantastic defense by adding all-pro DE Jared Allen. I have already given them a nickname… The Purple Proletariat Eaters. The offense will be sparked by 2000 yard threat Adrian ‘Purple Jesus’ Petersen and solid if not spectacular Tavarias Jackson at quarterback.
6. Dallas Cowboys (10-6) One of the up-and-coming teams in the NFC East. Look for Tony Romo to finally gel with his disgustingly good pass-catching targets Terrell Owens, Jason Witten, and Terry Glenn. The Big Tuna has been doing some fine work with the defense in recent seasons, and he will have one of the top units in the NFC with the addition of Pac Man Jones, who will make it rain. Unfortunately, the Boys will be in the same division as the juggernaut Iggles, but should contend for a wild card berth.
7. Oakland Raiders (11-5) The Raiders are rising faster than the 1968 French working class. Darren McFadden was a steal at the 4th overall pick and will immediately be a premier back who takes pressure away from up-and-coming star Jamarcus Russell. Combine this with probable down years from recent division powerhouses Denver and San Diego, and the Raiders will coast to the division title.
8. Atlanta Falcons (10-6) Matt Ryan is the next Dan Marino. He will be amazing as long as he doesn’t decide to run an illegal cat-fighting ring in West Chester. If he does, I nominate Alabama as the grand champion. She is lean, hungry, and scrappy, and has recently beaten all the weak-ass dogs in the house in what can only be described as a “dogfight.”
9. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) The difference between the Steelers and the rest of their division is summed up in an understanding of the difference between Marx and the Young Hegelians. Socialism is better than German Idealism. This is all you need to know.
10. Cleveland Browns (9-7) My cat, Alabama told me that the Browns are going to be good this year, but what does she know? She hasn’t eaten in weeks.
11. Indianapolis Colts (9-7) On the verge of finally winning it all, and what happens? Marvin Harrison has to go and shoot people. I expect he will go to prison, and the all-world passing attack of the Colts will come down to earth after their brilliance last year.
12. San Diego Chargers (8-8) Although I think Ladanian Tomlinson is poised to have the breakout year we have all been waiting for, I think the rest of this team is littered with downside boys and retreads. Not even close to the level on which the Raiders will be playing.
13. Kansas City Chiefs (7-7) Imagine how good this team would be right now if Derrick Thomas hadn’t passed away. As it stands, they are mediocre, although Brodie Croyle is emerging as a perennial all-pro quarterback. And they had an amazing draft.
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8) Mediocrity makes cowards of us all.
15. Chicago Bears (8-8) Stellar defense, atrocious offense leads Jonesy to wish he was still allowed to post on www.jihadwatch.org
16. Washington Redskins (7-9) Seriously, Daniel Snyder is the epitome of the ruling class pigs who exploit the means of production in our society. I have no room for this in my dialectic, and I will accordingly predict the Skins to miss the playoffs entirely. Also, fuck Rock Cartwright.
17. Tennessee Titans (8-8) Vince Young will never develop into a quality NFL passer if he is not surrounded by able bodied receivers who can actually catch the ball. As this issue was addressed neither via free agency nor the draft, the Titans will toil in mediocrity for yet another season.
18. Seattle Seahawks (12-4) Although they will coast to a division title, winning the sad sack of shit NFC West will be as impressive as Pol Pot’s human rights record. Look for Shaun Alexander to have a rebound year.
19. St. Louis Rams (6-10) One of the more uninteresting teams in the league, one can only wish back to the days of Willie “Flipper” Anderson and Henry Ellard. Blah.
20. San Francisco 49ers (5-11) Blah, blah, blah. I am going to play Tecmo Super Bowl.
21. Arizona Cardinals (4-12) The offense should be explosive as former MVP Kurt Warner will put up mega-stats, firing passes all over the field to his stud receivers Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. The defense is a different story. They are terrible. Seriously, the only guys on this unit who are even worth mentioning are Freddie Joe Nunn, Cedric Mann, and Garth Jax, obviously.
22. Carolina Panthers (6-8) This team has some really good players and some really bad players. Really good players = Steve Smith, Julius Peppers. Really bad = everyone else.
23. Green Bay Packers (4-12) The fact that Brett Favre will be returning for one more season really pissed me off. That lying sack of shit has been pretending to retire for years, and has cost Green Bay fans any chance at seeing their once proud franchise rebuilt. Everybody knows Aaron Rodgers is a guy who deserves a chance.
24. Baltimore Ravens (5-11) This will be the year that Brian Billick finally proves to the league that he is an offensive genius. Kyle Boller will have his long awaited breakthrough. Too bad the defense has become old and decrepit.
25. Denver Broncos (6-10) “I don’t like soft-ass shit.” The Rock is a good movie. The Broncos will blow up.
26. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11) It is criminal that an offense this good has been coupled with a defense that has packed as much punch as a midori sour. They will sorely miss Chad Johnson.
27. Detroit Lions (4-12) The only chance this team has is Barry Sanders coming out of retirement. And in other news, Matt Millen drafted a wide receiver.
28. Atlanta Falcons (1-15) Michael Vick’s chicanery has destroyed this franchise for decades. The loss of one of the game’s best quarterbacks has left the Falcons in shambles.
29. New Orleans Saints (1-16) How pathetically, pathetically old the Saints have gotten. Steve Walsh has seen better days at QB, and the once fearsome running back tandem of Dalton Hilliard and Craig Ironhead Heyward has aged ungracefully. The receiving corps and line are terrible, as is the defense, with the exception of the linebacking unit of Pat Swilling, Sam Mills, Vaughan Johnson, and Ricky Jackson.
30. Miami Dolphins (0-12-4)
31. Buffalo Bills (0-12-4) I like to clap when I see this miserable pile of shit. Clap my hands over my eyes, that is. They may not score a point all year.
32. New York Jets (0-12-4) About as relevant as the fallacious “arguments” elicited by the sacks of shit at www.jihadwatch.org
TFCO,
-jonesy
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The sheep from jihadwatch.org .... now on you tube!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU
